I'm an etiquette coach who sees Gen Zers make the same big mistakes. Here are the worst ones and how to fix them.

Jayne Withers says Gen Zers are usually shocked when she asks them to put their phones away.

Courtesy of Jayne Withers

• Jayne Withers teaches classes in Florida about dining etiquette to both children and adults.
• She's seen Gen Zers struggle with holding two-way conversations and putting their phones down.
• Her advice is to practice consideration, even if you cannot tip fairly, and be teachable.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jayne Withers, an etiquette-dining consultant from the UK who hosts classes in Florida. It has been edited for length and clarity.

Two years ago, I became an etiquette consultant and started teaching etiquette norms to groups of children, teenagers, and adults. While I was raised working class, learning etiquette at Cambridge University transformed my life and opened up a world of travel and dining opportunities.

I'm hired to teach courses on modern formal dining, business dining, international-business etiquette, and afternoon-tea etiquette.

I've noticed that Gen Zers are far more independent and socially responsible than older generations, but I've also witnessed Gen Z clients struggle to hold two-way conversations and put down their cellphones during a formal meal.

With extended periods of isolation thanks to COVID-19, a rising cost of living, and unprecedented environmental and social challenges, it's no surprise that some Gen Zers struggle with etiquette in formal settings.

Here are five etiquette tips that may help.

1. Don't use your phone at the table or during social interactions

Usually, when I ask a group of teenagers to put their phones away for the meal, I hear an audible gasp. While this probably comes down to parenting and cellphone use being a household norm, it can hurt a Gen Zer's chances of social success.

Using your phone in a social setting immediately signals that your attention is divided, and this can be a turnoff to a prospective employer, a date, or even a friend. You're essentially saying, "I will pay attention to you as long as there isn't something more interesting on my phone."

Instead, if you're expecting an urgent call or text, announce this to the group and excuse yourself for the call. Otherwise, keep your phone in your handbag, pocket, or face down on the table, and focus on who's in front of you.

2. Tip considerately

My husband and I used to run a restaurant, and we noticed Gen Zers were consistently the worst tippers. In many ways, it makes sense, since they're earlier in their careers and the cost of living is steadily rising.

My advice for Gen Zers and anyone who cannot tip fairly is to practice grace and consideration in other ways. This could be ensuring you don't leave the table in a mess, you're polite to the staff, and you're not demanding three pieces of lemon in your water.

I also recommend practicing overall consideration with other guests. This means arriving on time, engaging in a two-way conversation by asking questions and listening to answers, and offering an older person your seat at the table.

3. Focus on being fully engaged

I've noticed that Gen Zers disproportionately avoid eye contact or look at the floor when talking. Maintaining eye contact signals to the other person that you're actively engaged in the conversation, which improves communication.

If you're in a work setting, it's especially important that you're fully present. Not being engaged can lead to being passed up for promotions or even being dismissed from the job. Lack of engagement may also indicate underlying problems such as anxiety or burnout.

I saw a lack of engagement with the Gen Z waiting staff at my restaurant. One staff member even asked not to serve a table because they were "too noisy," and she would fall asleep during her shift. I explained that we couldn't be selective about clients.

In social settings, you'll also be far more likable if you offer your company your undivided attention.

4. Be teachable

I love that the Gen Z groups I teach challenge authority more than previous generations. Thanks to the internet and their savvy tech skills, they often have more answers than we do.

The positive side is that Gen Z is bringing about much-needed positive change to the workforce by bringing greater attention to things such as mental health and pay equity.

Sadly, I sometimes see this go a little too far, and I've witnessed Gen Z clients or staff do things like roll their eyes in response to feedback or a question. In surveys, managers have said they find Gen Zers the most difficult cohort to work with, and this may be a result of it being the generation of "having all of the answers."

I think the key is to balance being both critical and teachable. You can do this by asking for feedback or asking a lot of questions.

5. Send a thank-you card after a formal event

I've received many thank-you cards for events I've hosted or gifts I've sent, but only one came from a member of Gen Z, and it was poorly written. A handwritten thank-you card is a powerful way of showing your appreciation.

If I take myself as an example, most of my mail is bills, so if I see an envelope with a stamp on it, and it's handwritten, I get really excited.

If you want to stand out after a job interview, show your appreciation to wedding guests, or wish a client happy birthday, write them a thank-you card. You are guaranteed to stand out.

Read the original article on Business Insider

from Business Insider https://ift.tt/dACbEy1