Traveling with my dad helped me see him as an individual, not just my parent, and improved our relationship dynamic

Adam England has started creating a new dynamic with his dad while traveling with him.

Courtesy Adam England

• My family of four has traveled together ever since I was young.
• Recently, I asked my parents if they'd like to go on trips with me to have some one-on-one time.
• I learned a lot about my dad by traveling about him and it changed our dynamic. 

While I was growing up, we often went on vacations as a family. First, it was just me and my parents, and then my sister was born shortly before my ninth birthday. Until I left for college in 2017, we'd travel overseas once every couple of years, and went everywhere from California, when I was just five years old, to Lanzarote — a family favorite since before I was born. The four of us always traveled together, and rarely with other people.

Over the next six years, I went on a few trips with friends, my girlfriend, and my university. And my parents and sister had all traveled at least once separately too, whether for work, school, or leisure.

I asked my parents if they wanted to travel with me

In 2023, my parents were both turning 50, and I broached the idea of going on a short break with each of them individually for some one-on-one time. Since the time I moved away to university at 18, I've only lived at home for a few months here and there, and they've not spent as much time with me as they'd probably have liked.

I've always felt an irony in that, often, as teenagers living at home, we're desperate to spend time away from our families. Yet, when we mature and want to spend more time with our parents again, things like distance, work, and money can make doing so more difficult.

My dad was open to the idea, and I suggested Madrid for our trip. We're both soccer fans, and we support Birmingham City. Jude Bellingham, who began his career with Birmingham, had recently transferred to Real Madrid, so we'd watch a game at their stadium, the Bernabéu, and have a couple of days to explore the city too.

We've both been to Spain before, but never Madrid, and I speak a little bit of Spanish, so we thought it would be a good fit. Come the end of September, off we went.

We enjoyed our trip and learned about each other

It was a brilliant few days, and a welcome break from work for both of us. We watched the game, explored the city, and ventured out for coffee, beer, and tapas. Because my sister is so much younger than me, family vacations always seemed tailored more to her, so it was nice to do things and go places that perhaps aren't as child-friendly with one of my parents.

The dynamic you have with your parents when you're an adult is an interesting one. As we get older, we come to acknowledge that our parents are people too. We often think of our parents as being all-knowing when we're children, but parents and children can both mess up sometimes — we're all trying our best. One thing I came to realize as I became an adult is that we don't magically learn everything when we turn 18 or 21.

Adam England and his dad enjoyed traveling together in Madrid.

Courtesy Adam England

Although I'm almost 25 and my parents don't 'parent' me like they did when I was a child or teenager, they're still in parent mode in general, as my sister is 15 years old and still a minor. I don't feel controlled when I'm at home, but when you're with your parents, it's easy to revert back to your old roles. Even in your 20s, you can become that surly teenager again without even realizing it.

While I've gradually gotten better at not falling into old habits, traveling together for the first time got us out of our old routines even more and helped me to see my dad in a new way. I learned more about the things he enjoyed when he was younger, the way young adulthood was different in the 1990s — his nights out and the vacations he went on — and the way my parents built careers and a life together after leaving school at 16. In a way, it was like seeing a younger version of my dad — when we were at the Bernabéu and taking in the surroundings, it was as if I was watching a kid in a candy store.

And, I learned more about the sort of things my parents are planning for when both of their children are adults. I wouldn't be surprised if they ended up moving to Spain in retirement!

My parents won't ever stop being my parents. Sure, they'll always worry about me, but at the same time, they have many more years of life experience and are always happy to offer advice.

But now I'm happy that I also have my own advice to share. While my parents work on computers and are by no means technophobes, I was able to make the trip with my dad easier by having an app for everything. Services I'm familiar with that my dad has no clue about, like Apple Pay and Bolt, made the trip easier for both of us. I also figured out public transport in no time at all and got my dad's e-ticket for the game downloaded when he couldn't work it out.

Now I'm approaching the age my parents were when they had me, I'm able to see them more as people in their own right, rather than through the lens of them being my parents. Traveling with them is a big part of this shifting dynamic, and my mom and I are now looking at taking a trip together later this year, too. I feel lucky that, as my parents are 50, I have many more years left to spend with them as an adult.

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